Homemade Pennysaver

For when you can't afford a "real" gift

When you were a little kid, did you ever make coupons for your grownup¹?

No, really. Please tell me if this sounds familiar. I’ve asked several people and they all looked at me funny.

I remember not having any money to get my mom something for her birthday (even if I did, I wouldn’t have known what to buy). I figured I could at least do something kind—an act of service, maybe?—so I made coupons like “breakfast in bed!" and “I will not hit Zach!”

Well, I revisited the coupon idea this year because money’s been tight and I wanted to do something, anything, for Christmas! This time, the recipient was my husband.² I wanted it to look like the crap you get in the mail that you immediately toss out. I definitely made myself laugh out loud playing with ugly graphics and typography.

Here are some highlights:³

You bet I’m gonna punch out those faces on that compliment coupon!

Who doesn’t love a good mixtape? (Although now it’s a playlist on Spotify.) Here is a playlist for the husband’s workplace (a glassblowing studio); and here is a playlist for songs I’d like to cover with my loop pedal and odd collection of instruments.

I just called 1-800-HOT-BUTT and, much to my naive embarrassment, it turns out it’s a real number to a real sex hotline. At least, I’m pretty sure, but I hung up as soon as I heard the first moan.

And there you have it.

Now let’s end with a rear-end, shall we?⁴

Happy Holidays!

1. Parent(s), caregiver(s), aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc

2. Sorry, everyone. No one else is allowed to cash in on these bad boys.

3. A lot of these coupons are for things I already do, which is kinda sneaky, but also a little reminder that I ain’t the worst partner. I mean, I clean the baseboards! It’s the worst! But, boy, does it look good when it’s done.

4. Just so you know, that is NOT my butt.